The Hidden Emotional Weight of Money for Women with ADHD—and How to Lighten the Load

Written By Kimbree Redburn

I have a client I’ve been working with for a few years who runs a successful business. She’s had six-figure launches, routinely speaks at conferences in her industry, and works with clients nationwide. She is very successful and very busy. But still, when we started working together she asked me

“Why can I run my business, speak to big crowds, juggle a million responsibilities—but still feel like I’m failing at money?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself this, you’re not alone. For high-achieving women with ADHD, money isn’t just math—it’s deeply emotional. Shame. Overwhelm. Guilt. Impulsivity. Perfectionism. These aren’t just buzzwords. They’re the hidden emotional undercurrents that shape how you earn, spend, and save.

This hidden emotional weight of money is something I help my client work through. And I’d like to help you do the same. In this post, we’ll unpack the emotional weight of money for women with ADHD, explain why it's not your fault, and give you actionable ways to lighten the load and take back control.

Why ADHD and Money Can Be a Painful Combo

The Executive Dysfunction Trap

Women with ADHD often excel in careers that require quick thinking and creativity—but struggle with executive function behind the scenes. This includes planning, organizing, prioritizing, and follow-through—skills that are critical for managing money.

  • Paying bills late—not because you’re irresponsible, but because your brain filters “urgency” differently.

  • Overspending—not from carelessness, but from chasing a dopamine hit to soothe stress or boredom.

The Shame Spiral

These struggles often lead to deep shame, especially for high-achieving women who feel they “should know better.” You may hide financial mistakes, avoid looking at your accounts, or feel unworthy of wealth.

Emotional Patterns That Weigh You Down

1. Money Guilt

You feel bad for spending money on yourself—but also guilty for not enjoying what you buy. You may avoid investing in help (like therapy, coaching, or outsourcing) even when it would improve your life.

2. Perfectionism Paralysis

“I’ll start budgeting when I find the perfect system.”
Perfectionism keeps you from starting at all—and reinforces the idea that you’re bad with money.

3. Doom Spending and Impulse Buys

After a hard day, ADHD brains seek dopamine relief—and spending becomes a fast fix. You’re not reckless. You’re soothing an overstimulated nervous system.

Reframing the Narrative

Just like my client, you’re not bad with money—you just haven’t been taught a system that works with your brain, not against it.

1. Name the Feelings, Not Just the Numbers

Start noticing your emotional patterns around money. Do you avoid looking at your bank account? Do you spend more when you feel inadequate?

Tracking both emotions and expenses can help you identify emotional spending triggers. I’ve created a mood and impulse spending trigger I use for myself and my clients that can get you started.


2. Use ADHD-Friendly Money Tools

One of the things my client had been doing when we started was only checking in with her money monthly. This system wasn’t working. She would forget, or get too afraid to check in after so much time had passed. So instead, we set her entire system up around weekly check-ins. This frequency helped her get on top of her money. The tools you use matter. And if you’re neurodivergent, your tools will look different than the traditional spreadsheet approach.

Instead, try:

  • Visual budgeting tools (color-coded envelopes or apps like GoodBudget)

  • Weekly budget check-ins instead of monthly

  • Reminders and automation to reduce executive load

3. Get Realistic, Not Idealistic

A perfect budget that you never use is useless. Instead, build a realistic one that reflects your actual habits and values. Include “fun” money and flexibility—because restriction triggers rebellion for ADHD brains.

Lightening the Emotional Load

1. Unpack the Shame

Many women with ADHD learned early that they were “too much,” “too messy,” or “too forgetful.” These messages often show up in money shame.

The truth? You’re not broken. You’re navigating a system that wasn’t built with your brain in mind.

2. Build Self-Compassion into Your Finances

Instead of punishing yourself for financial missteps, get curious:

  • What was I feeling when I spent that money?

  • What need was I trying to meet?

  • How can I meet it differently next time?

3. Create Financial Routines that Work for You

It’s also important to build routines that work. For more, check out my blog post to learn how to Build a financial routine that works with your brain, not against it.

Try:

  • Money Mondays: A 15-minute weekly check-in

  • Payday Rituals: Celebrate with a small dopamine reward (like a fancy coffee) after reviewing your budget

  • Sticky Note Reminders: Place them where you’ll see them—like “Check bank app” on your phone lock screen

When to Ask for Help

You don’t have to do this alone. Working with an ADHD-aware financial coach can help you build supportive habits, reduce shame, and create a financial system you actually want to stick with. If you’re ready to get started, book your free clarity call today.

I’ll help you approach your money with no shame, judgement, and overwhelm.

You’re Not Behind—You’re Building Something Better

Money doesn’t have to feel heavy forever.

By understanding the emotional landscape of ADHD and finances, you can start replacing shame with strategy, and guilt with growth. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to start.

And when you build a system that works for your brain? That’s when the magic happens.

Kimbree Redburn
Next

Ditch the Guilt: How to Build a Financial Routine That Works with an ADHD Brain